Letters to the bad guys
by Emrys-Andels
Summary: Letters find their way to the bad guys where they are read, and receive a rebuttal.
1. The First Letter

disclaimer: I do not own any of the sailor moon characters

Note: I have only seen the english version of sailor moon, and as much as I'll try to use the Japanese names, wikipedia is the one telling me who they are in Japan.

* * *

Queen Beryl looked down at the scrap paper her blonde-haired shitennou, Jadeite(Jedite), had placed at her feet. "What is this, and why should I bother picking it up?" Jadeite remained in a kneeling, subservient position. "My queen, during my last mission, I found this. It has the letters on it that when put together, read 'please deliver to Queen Beryl.' I found it strange that a human would know of our existance, so I have brought it to your attention."

"And? What does the inside say?"

"I have not looked, my queen."

"Then open it."

Jadeite opened the letter and cleared his throat as he read out loud....

Dear Queen Beryl,

Before you put Jadeite to eternal sleep, why didn't you get the names of the Sailor Senshi? I mean, you guys seemed to be having a good deal of trouble with them, and here he comes after his latest failure with a breakthrough that I believe no one else from the negaverse found out, and before he can say it, you turn him to stone. What's up with that, queeney? Also, what is that crystal ball you always seem to be obsessed with? Quite frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if you got Jadeite or Nephrite(Nephlite) or something to read it instead.

Well, now that I have bestowed upon you what I believe is called "common sense" I'll end this letter on a positive note.

Good job on... good job.

Signed,

Emrys.

Jadeite nervously looked up from the letter.

* * *

Stay tuned for The Rebuttal, coming tomorrow.


	2. Beryl's Rebuttal

disclaimer: I do not own any of the sailor moon characters

Note: I have only seen the english version of sailor moon, and as much as I'll try to use the Japanese names, wikipedia is the one telling me who they are in Japan.

* * *

Jadeite thought Queen Beryl was going to destroy the earth. Screw the humans, screw energy, and screw the millennium crystal. Instead, she stood up and snatched the piece of paper out of his hands. Her eyes scanned over the foreign words and she ripped it to pieces.

"Jadeite, you have one order. Find and destroy this insolent human. No, not just destroy. Make it suffer."

Jadeite bowed. "As you wish, my queen. Any last words you would like her to hear?"

"Hm.. Yes. I will respond in the same mannerisms it used. Ahem.

"Dear idiot,

If he wasn't so slow with his tongue, perhaps he could have spit out their names beforehand. I have not chosen my shitennou at random, and if they wish to preserve their lives, they know what it is they must deliver, and the short period of time before I send them to their doom is. That "crystal ball", as you so moronically put it, happens to be my key to monitoring Queen Metalia, and keeping contact with her. As for this "common sense" you seem to believe you have, how much sense does it make to send a letter insulting the Queen of the Dark kingdom?

"You have done a horrible job of thinking, _human_.

"Beryl"

"Is that all, my queen?"

"Yes. Now go. I want this moronic insult of energy to suffer and die." Queen Beryl calmly walked back to her crystal as Jadeite bowed and disappeared into the darkness...

_**..............**_

Jadeite couldn't believe his luck. He somehow managed to avoid becoming Queen Beryl's new stone statue... Again. Avoiding any questions regarding plotholes, he quickly began his search for this Emrys character. It didn't take him long to track down another letter, addressed to him this time.

"Hullo Jadeite,

I assume the queen sent you after me by the time you've read this. So, to make things a bit more interesting, I'll give everyone one fact about myself in every letter. But first, some questions for you. First off, how hard can it possibly be to finish off any of the sailor senshi? I mean, you're already much more powerful than them, but instead, you let your much weaker minions do all the work for you. Yet what do you do? As soon as the senshi show up, you disappear. Secondly, why are you so subservient to that nasty queen of yours? I mean, really. All she does is step on you and treat you like dirt.

Signed,

Emrys.

P.S. Fact: I am not a boy."

Jadeite glowered at the letter before ripping it to shreds. Hmph. Now this Emrys gave away her gender. Though, she didn't say she was a girl. Or perhaps Emrys is a man? Or... Maybe... Jadeite had heard of these things called "hermaphrodites" and "transexuals"...

* * *

Oh Jadeite, you overthink things far too much. Stay tuned for the chase, part dos tomorrow. (Tuesday)


End file.
